the smile
a happy baby turned into a giddy toddler then into a sullen adolescent and among his two parents and one therapist the reason for this change was zero. the look in his eyes was otherworldly and there were times during the outbursts and implosions when he looked more sinister and less sweet and it scared his father unlike anything he’d ever seen.
the smile formerly everpresent had all but disappeared and was replaced with the look of sorrow and despair. It occasionally arrived unannounced at a carnival here and a party there and only fleetingly and if you sneezed or blinked or winced you missed it.
although small enough to be in diapers he had been larger than life and always drew a crowd to his eyelashes and fat cheeked smile and his parents could not get through the supermarket or a church service or disneyworld without him being spoken to or commented on or pinched. while mom and dad felt proud as the years moved on he felt more and more perturbed.
it was hard for his light to shine from under the shadow of his all-star pitcher and starting quarterback little brother and in many ways his birthright had been usurped. he’d tried many activities from art to archery but in his 12 years had not found his place in the world as his brother had in his 9 but he kept trying and perhaps now he’d found his spot.
his painful introversion in juxtaposition to his brother’s effortless extroversion made reaching out implausible and almost impossible. his daddy understood since their paths were somewhat similar and he did not want his son to approach the same serotonin free wall that he’d abruptly hit in his thirties because he’d ignored what his brain was telling him when he himself was 12.
last night his brother sat between mom and dad with cleats on his feet and number 7 on his back having just walked off the mound and into the middle school auditorium. the same unabashed joy he’d experienced in striking out the side and doubling off the wall was now being witnessed in dance steps and rehearsed lines and when the musical was over and the performers took their bows a blonde brother on a big stage beamed so incredibly brightly that his dad sobbed like he hadn’t in a very long time.
the smile formerly everpresent had all but disappeared and was replaced with the look of sorrow and despair. It occasionally arrived unannounced at a carnival here and a party there and only fleetingly and if you sneezed or blinked or winced you missed it.
although small enough to be in diapers he had been larger than life and always drew a crowd to his eyelashes and fat cheeked smile and his parents could not get through the supermarket or a church service or disneyworld without him being spoken to or commented on or pinched. while mom and dad felt proud as the years moved on he felt more and more perturbed.
it was hard for his light to shine from under the shadow of his all-star pitcher and starting quarterback little brother and in many ways his birthright had been usurped. he’d tried many activities from art to archery but in his 12 years had not found his place in the world as his brother had in his 9 but he kept trying and perhaps now he’d found his spot.
his painful introversion in juxtaposition to his brother’s effortless extroversion made reaching out implausible and almost impossible. his daddy understood since their paths were somewhat similar and he did not want his son to approach the same serotonin free wall that he’d abruptly hit in his thirties because he’d ignored what his brain was telling him when he himself was 12.
last night his brother sat between mom and dad with cleats on his feet and number 7 on his back having just walked off the mound and into the middle school auditorium. the same unabashed joy he’d experienced in striking out the side and doubling off the wall was now being witnessed in dance steps and rehearsed lines and when the musical was over and the performers took their bows a blonde brother on a big stage beamed so incredibly brightly that his dad sobbed like he hadn’t in a very long time.
posted by Hotwire at 3:57 PM
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